One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
