if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
