So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
