How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize