I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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