I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
