Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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