Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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