The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My pussy is not your playground.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
