she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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