Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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