If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
