Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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