20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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