i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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