We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
