I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
