are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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