Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
