Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
