I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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