I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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