His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
