i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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