I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
