she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
