She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
