I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My ATM looks so different sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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