I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
