I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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