Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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