why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
