someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
