mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
