Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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