my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
