I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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