Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
