please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
