There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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