I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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