Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
