the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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