I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize