I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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