If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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