i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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