And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
