I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
