Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
