I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
