Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
