the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i came on her dog
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
