The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
