ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
