Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
