Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
