Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
