alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
