Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
