did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
