I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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