thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
