Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
