I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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