So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
