i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
