I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
