I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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