Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
