u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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